OUR STORY

In August of 2015, our family was thrilled to find out our second baby was on the way. We, along with our three-year-old son Cullen, anxiously awaited the arrival. A previous spinal cord injury placed me in the high-risk category, so from day one we were lovingly cared for by an outstanding team of doctors at OU Medical Center.  On December 22, 2015 we received an early Christmas gift and found out that we were having another little boy! We were all ecstatic. Two boys seemed just about perfect for our family.  He was developing beautifully and a final ultrasound at 26 weeks would reveal nothing out of the ordinary.

Plans were made, a name was picked and the nursery was decorated. Cullen lovingly chose vintage pick-up trucks as the theme for his baby brother’s room. We hand-made a mobile, set up the crib, coordinated everything in orange, white and gray--everything seemed perfect. Braden Wagner South was soon to be the final piece of our family puzzle.

On the evening of April 17, 2016, I just didn’t feel right. After an hour of trying to relax, it was clear that I had gone into labor three weeks early. As both myself and my husband had been born premature, this wasn’t too alarming of a situation. We made the two-hour drive to OU Children’s Hospital. We checked in, and were taken to a small room that would soon make our world seem impossibly small. The nurse attached the fetal monitor and said, “let me see if the Doctor has better luck” and quickly walked out. The Doctor entered the room with an ultrasound machine and about a minute later, uttered words we can never forget, “this is the hardest thing we have to do, but there is no heartbeat.” The little boy that had been kicking up a storm earlier that day, was gone and no one had any idea why. At 37 weeks, these are not words you ever expect to hear.

At 4:48 AM on April 18, 2016, Braden was born. He was perfect-5 pounds 9 ounces, 19.5 inches long and beautiful. It was soon clear that a tumor on his left wrist, later to be determined as malignant infantile fibro sarcoma, had ruptured. Despite having received the most amazing medical care throughout my pregnancy, no one saw this coming. Further reviews of the sonography showed nothing. It simply grew quickly after that 26-week ultrasound and there was nothing anyone could have done.

The staff at OU was wonderful. They cared for him and us with love. We were given all the time we wanted with him. We were given a beautiful box that contained molds of his hands and feet, an ornament and a lamb among other things. We will cherish these items forever.

Two days later, we went home completely broken and confused. A thousand unanswerable questions haunted us for weeks and still do at times.  Why couldn’t I have gone into labor the day before? Did we do something wrong? Was he in pain? What color were his eyes? These unfortunately can never be answered. But, the name Braden means “wise one” and while we may never understand why we couldn’t keep him with us, we trust in a greater wisdom that knew what was meant for him.

We received an unforgettable amount of love and support from our families, friends, community, doctors and even strangers. We hope to show other families that level of support. We were shocked by the number of people sharing their similar story with us. It seems like no one talks about things like this.

There is no easy or right way to go through this. There are good days, there are terrible days and that is perfectly fine. Find what works for you and your family and take things one day at a time.  There are times you might feel completely alone, even while you’re surrounded by family and friends. I found comfort in a complete stranger simply because she had been through something similar. There are resources available to you, use them. Know that we are here for you in any way, just reach out.